The meaningless crisis

I’m going through a period where everything seems meaningless. What can we hold on to when life has no meaning? Many people find meaning in family, society, religion, science, and everything that can satisfy them personally. But personal and historical facts force me to think life has no meaning. And even though I have everything I need, this is a harsh personal situation.

Even the idea of God that in the past seemed to give me so much relief now seems like God, or it doesn’t exist or doesn’t care. Too many wrong things in the history of humanity have happened and are happening today. Neither the word of Jesus Christ, about unconditional love, which I strongly believed in the past, now seem so fake to me.

The personal relationships with people and beloved ones where I thought I could find meaning feel empty, fake and moved by interests.

How can I survive this period of meaningless crisis? I think I have no solution. Just survive for the sake of living. By my side, I will try to build meaningful connections and be authentic. This is all I can and want to do. Even though this means building anything at all.

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Original me

Clearly, it’s not enough having the desire to share opinions and ideas in this world.

You need to be more effective but how?

I know only a way: being truer possible.

But my reality is not aligned with the environment.

So I ask why. Am I crazy? Am I a misfit? Maybe. But I have original ideas that come from my own inside. They are seeds of my own way of thinking, my actual being.

And even if no one likes them, they are genuinely conceived.

I’m the original me; that’s enough. Other, I don’t wanna know.

Evil and Good

Are evil and good sides to the same coin?

Should they coexist in us so we can be complete?

I know our actions often cannot be purely bad or good and have ambivalent side effects.

We cannot avoid hurting someone even when we act with our best intention.

And, you can like or not like it; when someone puts in action a horrible thing, some good people could take advantage of it.

A world of verbose

I have the impression that most things, books or posts, I read are willingly verbose. It seems like writers don’t get the point but they need to write in order to fill pages of stuff in order to sell content and not to get the point directly.

Maybe it’s an impression of mine and I’m not able to appreciate the nuances of a description. But, as result, I get bored rapidly when I see argumentations that go around the point and don’t get it with a more concise explanation.

I like short explanations I have no time to waste.

Sometimes is harsh necessary?

I think that to be sweet is a very good option. Being patient and kind is a great skill that we should acquire. But sometimes reality is harsh. And we should communicate this harsh part of reality too. We don’t live in a perfect world, where everyone is honest, kind, or altruist. Besides people often refuge in a utopic, ego-centric world and they consider themselves too important.

If you care about someone, you need to shake this aspect of reality or human behavior sometimes. If you make people think that they are too important or that everything will work fine even though wrong behavior, you aren’t caring about that person anymore.

We need to speak the truth sometimes and this truth is often, inevitably, expressed brutally. It’s very difficult not getting things personally when you are communicating the truth, (or at the least, “your truth”) to other people. Often conflicts arise. But these conflicts are necessary for us and other people to grow.

I think a great objective I can put in my life at the moment is to be assertive avoiding as much as possible being brutal. And above all, I shouldn’t get things personally and always remember I could be wrong. In this way, I can improve myself and the people I’m connected with.

To Feel Better

Is It too late? Can I do accomplish the goal to meet my expectations?

I don’t know, I feel so old …

I think there isn’t any possibility for me …. just dead.

I wait to dead or not?

Can I?

But .. why. Why Do I feel so bad, so negative.

I made a lot of mistakes but is it time to go forward now?

I have to leave my past and go forward toward my future but it is so difficult.

It’s difficult leave what you’ve been for so long time.

I would be a better person but I feel so bad toward myself, toward others.

I have a dream: to feel better.